Archive for family culture

The Vital Nature of Transparency

The family that came for Revive’s family camp could not have anticipated the change that would begin with just one week of time, fun and transparency.  The importance of transparency cannot be overstated when it comes to family connection and togetherness.

Transparency is a delicate topic and can strike fear into the hearts of adults. Yet it is vital and must be encouraged, guarded and protected within our homes.  For me becoming transparent required pursuing healing in my own heart because prior to this there were just too many sensitive spots that led to pain that people could trigger in me without meaning anything. I had a strong sense that I needed to protect myself, which of course meant I could share little or nothing about my real life, thoughts or feelings. Unfortunately this is the position I find far too many kids in today with their parents and siblings.

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Essential T’s of Family Connection: Time (pt 4)

When Stephen Covey wrote his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” his second habit was “Begin with the End in View.” That applies to the first blog post in this 5-part series, being Together, or Togetherness. If our GOAL is togetherness we need to visualise more than simply physical proximity, which we can accomplish silently while driving to the store together in the car. Emotional closeness, mutual respect and support, openness to reason together; these and more contribute to a deeper and more broad togetherness experience.

But that type of togetherness must be established on the second T we described: Trust. Trust is the GROUNDWORK that allows us to strive towards greater togetherness in the first place. Without trust family members will hold each other “at arm’s length”, hesitant to really engage on any meaningful level, not wanting to expose themselves to something that might be misunderstood or devalued. Once there is a commitment to trust, and that can be a decision as well as an emotion, we can move towards togetherness.

Even when there is a goal of togetherness and a commitment to trust there must be a GATEWAY to reach the destination, and that we dealt with in part 3: Talk. Community begins  with communication in a healthy way, with a sense of safety, open minds and hearts, respect and positive interaction. Read More →

Essential T’s of Family Connection: Talk (pt 3)

One of the three pillars that lead from Trust to Togetherness:

One of the keys for family connection that builds a sense of togetherness is TALK, simple on its face, but complex in its execution. Our challenge as parents and grandparents is establishing a culture of communication that builds and encourages open communication and togetherness.  We desire to be together but pools of pain within, unsolved issues, and poor communication habits can rob us of what we truly desire. Read More →

Essential T’s of Family Connection: Trust (Pt 2)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart…“.  So begins Proverbs 3:5. And over a hundred times the Bible talks about trusting God. “Sure” you say, “God presents Himself, and is presented as totally trustworthy. He does not lie and is holy and without flaw. Trustworthiness flows out of His perfect character. So that means I can, and should, trust Him.”

But:

Trust is a tricky topic Read More →

Essential T’s of Family Connection (pt 1)

In the Book of Deuteronomy in the Bible God tells Moses “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” Deut. 6:5-7

Clearly God shares the importance of His instruction, but this exhortation also pictures a family where conversation and closeness occur. In verses 20 and 21 God says, “When your son asks you in time to come, What is the meaning of the testimonies and the statutes and the rules that the Lord our God has commanded you? Then you shall say …” Equally clear, then, is that curious questioning and trusted instruction are involved. Implied in these verses is that the family is to be a place where relationship is of utmost importance, both with God and with one another. Read More →

In the midst of this unprecedented time in our country, parents are having to deal with kids being at home more than ever. When we have adolescents, that can present some challenges, which is why I decided to do the series 9 Insights Parents Need to Know When They are Raising Adolescents.
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Fear and Our Kids

Welcome back to revive families connecting hearts blog. We’ve been in the midst of a series on patience. Given everything going on with the Coronavirus and the fear I see growing, I thought it might be a great time to stop and take a short break from the patience series and talk a little bit about fear and our kids. 

There are many reasons to be fearful and or worry today as may States like California are ordering shelter in place restrictions and businesses to be shut down. There is fear of the virus but also fears about jobs and the economy.  All of these are legitimate concerns, but questions arise; how do we deal with our fears and how do we handle them with our kids? Read More →

Patience is so important for our lives and health.  It will impact the quality of our relationships and the culture of our families. This week we’re exploring how patience and personality type interacts with each other. 

In our first week we looked at research that proves that it’s the relationship we have with our kids that actually protects them, not the way we approach them or our boundaries and consequences. Second we revealed that Impatience is on our side of the ledger. It’s not a result of our kid’s behavior. Finally we explored why the root of impatience is selfishness. Impatience comes when our goals and objectives are impeded or they’re not happening in a timely manner.

In week two we talked about Patience and Triggers. Triggers are really important to understand because they override our best intentions and self control. When we trigger, we will overreact. We looked at self awareness strategies that help us head triggers off at the pass. Then we discussed deeper healing so we are not constantly expending energy trying to catch ourselves.

As we think about patience and our personalities, we need to recognize that some personality types will naturally exhibit more patience than others. If you’re like me and find yourself on the other side of the equation, that’s ok. We’re going to explore why and what we can do to alter the focus and priorities to help us understand and become more patient moms and dads.

I throw myself into this for a reason.  Patience was difficult for me given my natural personality.  It took a concerted effort to become a more patient, compassionate person.  As a result, I now see patience and compassion being tied together.  When we have little compassion for others feelings, we tend to have less patience with them.   Read More →

Discovering Our Patience

Welcome back to Revive Family’s Connecting Hearts blog. I’m Jeff Schadt the founder of Revive Family. This week we are beginning a new series about patience. It is clear that we all desire to be patient parents, but that’s not easy in our fast-paced, crazy world. When we find ourselves struggling with patience, it’s easy to start feeling like a failure as a parent. In my coaching of moms I have found this sense of failure to be counter productive. We become more sensitive to the things that our spouses and our kids say to us. Our sense of failure is triggered. We become impatient and react. This can become a vicious cycle when we get down on ourselves. We put more and more pressure on ourselves which increases our stress level and negatively impacts our patience.

In this series we will re-examine patience and look for deeper answers. What causes impatience? How can we tackle it so we are not putting pressure on ourselves and trying to control our reactions? How can we actually see change from the inside out? It’s possible that even mentioning this topic cause your stress level to rise. If that’s the case and you’re struggling with patience, sit back right now. Take 10 deep breaths and let it go. Take the pressure off yourself.

Patience is Vital for Great Relationships in our Homes!

The reason I feel this series is so important is that patience enables us to have great relationships with our kids. When we find ourselves impatient with the people closest to us, we need to examine our hearts and understand ourselves. Why? Because when impatience strikes and frustration or anger results, we’re literally pushing those closest to us away. If this happens on a fairly regular basis, we damage the sense of safety that our kids and spouse have with us and they distance from us emotionally.

This blog series is also available in a Podcast.

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Faith Loss Through a Teens Eyes

Today we’re back with Amy who was with her family talking about depression last week.

Amy is a brave young woman for talking with us about many different issues. She serves as our insider speaking from a kid’s or adolescent’s perspective into so many of their issues. Amy, it’s great to have you back with us. Thank you so much. I have a question. Why are you willing to do this?

I Want to Help Others Understand and Grow

That is kind of a tough question for me. I think I’ve always been the type of person to want to help people before myself. After we did the first show, I realized that doing the show and helping other people really helped me grow and begin to overcome these things. It was really beneficial and powerful to speak openly and share with others.

Excellent. We’re hoping that this will help parents. We’re also hoping that we might have some parents who have their kids tune in with them so you could help those kids feel like they’re not alone in some of this as well. It’s great to have you.

A 14 Year Old’s Perspective on Faith Loss

Today we are talking about the loss of faith. There are different studies; some say 60%, 70%, 80% and even as high as 90% of the kids growing up in Christian homes are leaving the faith. I’ve had the privilege of working with about 3000 kids, talking about this topic with them in small groups and one on one interviews. I have a whole bunch of data in the back of my head related to that, but it’s always good to get a current 14 year old’s perspective directly as so many parents worry about this with their kids.

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