Our already busy lives have been complicated by the Covid pandemic which increased either our frustration or fear. As we live with uncertainty, worry, fear and frustration move us toward a more reactive mindset. This could explain why people are less friendly and more easily agitated which has led to the increase in suicide, divorce and domestic violence that we are experiencing in our society today. Read More →
Parents I get it. Letting go of the traditional meaning of discipline and choosing to focus on progress is scary enough.
But….when you add the thought of having only one rule, to Love One Another with hormone crazed adolescents, it takes it to an entirely different level of faith to get there. This is where the Holy Spirit comes in. Do we believe in the heart changing power of the Holy Spirit? I have found that this is often the turning point for Christian parents. Read More →
One of the three pillars that lead from Trust to Togetherness:
One of the keys for family connection that builds a sense of togetherness is TALK, simple on its face, but complex in its execution. Our challenge as parents and grandparents is establishing a culture of communication that builds and encourages open communication and togetherness. We desire to be together but pools of pain within, unsolved issues, and poor communication habits can rob us of what we truly desire. Read More →
Patience is so important for our lives and health. It will impact the quality of our relationships and the culture of our families. This week we’re exploring how patience and personality type interacts with each other.
In our first week we looked at research that proves that it’s the relationship we have with our kids that actually protects them, not the way we approach them or our boundaries and consequences. Second we revealed that Impatience is on our side of the ledger. It’s not a result of our kid’s behavior. Finally we explored why the root of impatience is selfishness. Impatience comes when our goals and objectives are impeded or they’re not happening in a timely manner.
In week two we talked about Patience and Triggers. Triggers are really important to understand because they override our best intentions and self control. When we trigger, we will overreact. We looked at self awareness strategies that help us head triggers off at the pass. Then we discussed deeper healing so we are not constantly expending energy trying to catch ourselves.
As we think about patience and our personalities, we need to recognize that some personality types will naturally exhibit more patience than others. If you’re like me and find yourself on the other side of the equation, that’s ok. We’re going to explore why and what we can do to alter the focus and priorities to help us understand and become more patient moms and dads.
I throw myself into this for a reason. Patience was difficult for me given my natural personality. It took a concerted effort to become a more patient, compassionate person. As a result, I now see patience and compassion being tied together. When we have little compassion for others feelings, we tend to have less patience with them. Read More →
Welcome back to Revive Family’s Connecting Hearts blog. I’m Jeff Schadt the founder of Revive Family. This week we are beginning a new series about patience. It is clear that we all desire to be patient parents, but that’s not easy in our fast-paced, crazy world. When we find ourselves struggling with patience, it’s easy to start feeling like a failure as a parent. In my coaching of moms I have found this sense of failure to be counter productive. We become more sensitive to the things that our spouses and our kids say to us. Our sense of failure is triggered. We become impatient and react. This can become a vicious cycle when we get down on ourselves. We put more and more pressure on ourselves which increases our stress level and negatively impacts our patience.
In this series we will re-examine patience and look for deeper answers. What causes impatience? How can we tackle it so we are not putting pressure on ourselves and trying to control our reactions? How can we actually see change from the inside out? It’s possible that even mentioning this topic cause your stress level to rise. If that’s the case and you’re struggling with patience, sit back right now. Take 10 deep breaths and let it go. Take the pressure off yourself.
Patience is Vital for Great Relationships in our Homes!
The reason I feel this series is so important is that patience enables us to have great relationships with our kids. When we find ourselves impatient with the people closest to us, we need to examine our hearts and understand ourselves. Why? Because when impatience strikes and frustration or anger results, we’re literally pushing those closest to us away. If this happens on a fairly regular basis, we damage the sense of safety that our kids and spouse have with us and they distance from us emotionally.
This blog series is also available in a Podcast.
In this blog series I am interviewing a family concerning their daughter who is struggling with depression and anxiety related to all they have learned in our coaching and from Influential Parenting.
Depression is always challenging since depression is a very internal thing. It is something I struggled with for about 18 months after losing a company. When I struggled, there was a wound that people couldn’t see and couldn’t perceive. There were times I felt completely alone because no one understood what I was going through, which actually served to make my depression worse.
Amy, you’ve struggled with depression. Describe it for our readers.
It’s a lot of hopelessness, a lot of not eating and not wanting to get out of bed. It’s a lack of social interaction. Overall it is not even having the energy to do a lot of everyday things that most people are able to do.
Mom and Dad, from your perspective, when you started encountering depression what did you notice? What was different?
Well, it started when Amy went into middle school. I think what I did as I saw some changes was listen to other parents and hit the internet. I found that middle school was supposed to be a transitional time; kids will be changing and they’ll be moody. I just said, this is it. She’s moody. She’s changing. Instead of shutting off the Internet and putting down the books and talking with my daughter and asking her questions, I made a lot of assumptions. I missed the clues about what was really happening to my dear daughter whom I loved and would do anything for. I missed her depression.
Welcome back to Mama Bear, Amazing Moms. In today’s blog, I want to take some time to encourage single moms as well as the dads that are no longer with them. Single moms face a unique challenge, especially if they have the kids a majority of the time. They not only face that long 98 hour work week that the study found the average mom experiences, but now they face doing that without a partner, without someone to step in when things get rocky with the kids.
Single moms often find themselves under more financial pressure. As a result they have a harder time finding breaks for themselves as well as finding time in each day to enjoy their children. Dads, this is where you can help even if you’re no longer with them. There are a number of things you can do as dads that will support your kids’ mom and thereby really give your kids the best shot at growing up in a healthy, positive, confident, successful manner.
Dads help your Ex
As I’ve worked with families that have been through divorce, one thing that I’ve seen too often is parents not being able to let go of the past hurt, which can lead to ongoing bitterness and conflict between the parents. This doesn’t help a single mom do a great job and lead to kids growing up in a confident, healthy way. Dads, please stop and ask yourself if you’ve been providing your ex wife the support, the encouragement, and all the assistance you can provide, if not for her, for your kids. Do it for their development so that they grow up without the baggage, without the wounds that can take them down negative paths that none of us want to see our kids go down.
Hey, it’s great to be back with you again this week. I’m Jeff Schadt, the founder of Revive Family, and we’re continuing in the series, “Mama Bear, Amazing Moms. You moms really are amazing! My research has opened my eyes and even slapped me in the face a bit because moms work an average of 98.5 hours a week. It is no wonder so many moms are tired. Dads, this is why I hope you are listening to this series so you gain some insights into how you can come alongside your wife and help her get the breaks she needs.
In session one we talked about the risk of amazing moms being able to do it all. Putting in all those hours and emotional energy puts them at risk of a state of exhaustion.
In session two of this series, we addressed all the stress and pressure moms feel: the internal pressure they put on themselves, societal pressures, and the pressures moms tend to put on each other.
In this session we’re talking about how moms can take some of the stress and pressure off of themselves and raise content, happy, caring kids.
Last week in session two I mentioned a Harvard study that shows kids of working moms grow up just as happy as those with stay-at- home moms. Does that surprise you? It did me a bit because I’ve been raised in a culture that tells me that stay-at-home moms will have happier, more successful kids. I think this is part of the reason I found doing the research with 4,000 kids so challenging, because I had adopted a mindset that focused on the right and wrong in parenting. The kids blew me out of the water over and over again. One aspect of parenting that really challenged me was kids’ need for autonomy.
Autonomy is Important for Kids and Scary for Parents
Thank you for joining me this week for Revive Family’s Connecting Hearts Blog as we continue in the series “Mama Bear – Amazing Moms.”
Last week we looked at the study that shows that the average mom works about 98 hours a week or 2.5 full time jobs. In many ways, moms are stronger than dads. They use more words every day than men, they have more emotional bandwidth, and clearly they have stamina to put in these kinds of hours. So I tip my hat to you moms out there who are listening. Dads, listen, this series is important for you too!
If you missed last week’s kickoff, I’d encourage you to go back and read or listen to it on our site. It was a really important blog for both moms and dads because it talks about the impact all these hours can have on moms. Dads, in this first session we see why it’s really important for our moms to get breaks.
When Moms are not Happy, Families are not Happy
Moms are amazing! They serve as the center of our families while facing more pressure and time constraints than ever before. According to all the research, this leaves many moms feeling weary, maybe even isolated or on the verge of burnout. The sheer number of hours that moms work, the pressure to be ‘super mom’ and the pressure that moms tend to put on themselves can take the joy out of life. If moms aren’t happy, research shows that families aren’t happy.
This week we’re going to talk about dealing with the stress and isolation a mom can experience. Read More →