What to ask your six to eighteen year olds?

How to Develop Emotional Communication to Help Your Six to Eighteen-Year-Old

When our children reach adolescence, as a result of the changes occurring within their brain development, they become more emotional.  Children age 9 to 18 become more sensitive to the things we say and do. This is the reason I recommend that parents begin to ask emotionally focused questions with their children beginning as early as age six. This helps to establish communication before brain development begins to change. Read More →

9 Insights Parents of Adolescents Need to Understand, pt 1

In the midst of this unprecedented time in our country, parents are having to deal with kids being at home more than ever. When we have adolescents, that can present some challenges, which is why I decided to do the series 9 Insights Parents Need to Know When They are Raising Adolescents.
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Empowering Patience Today

Welcome back, we’re picking backup on our series, Discovering our Patience after taking a break to talk about Corona, Fear and Our Kids.  

Over the last couple of weeks we’ve talked about triggers and rounding our personality type. I can’t understate how important it is to tackle our triggers for our lives, relationships and families.  Addressing them will bring freedom; we won’t have to be self-controlled all the time, which is really exhausting. If you missed these blogs I encourage you to go back and read them.

Short Circuit Reactions Today

Meanwhile you may need some things to do that will help short circuit reactions.  This is why we are discussing how we Empower our patients today. I found a good article in my research entitled: 10 Tips for Becoming a More Patient Parent. It had a number of tips we can  implement today with our kids.  Read More →

Fear and Our Kids

Welcome back to revive families connecting hearts blog. We’ve been in the midst of a series on patience. Given everything going on with the Coronavirus and the fear I see growing, I thought it might be a great time to stop and take a short break from the patience series and talk a little bit about fear and our kids. 

There are many reasons to be fearful and or worry today as may States like California are ordering shelter in place restrictions and businesses to be shut down. There is fear of the virus but also fears about jobs and the economy.  All of these are legitimate concerns, but questions arise; how do we deal with our fears and how do we handle them with our kids? Read More →

Patience is so important for our lives and health.  It will impact the quality of our relationships and the culture of our families. This week we’re exploring how patience and personality type interacts with each other. 

In our first week we looked at research that proves that it’s the relationship we have with our kids that actually protects them, not the way we approach them or our boundaries and consequences. Second we revealed that Impatience is on our side of the ledger. It’s not a result of our kid’s behavior. Finally we explored why the root of impatience is selfishness. Impatience comes when our goals and objectives are impeded or they’re not happening in a timely manner.

In week two we talked about Patience and Triggers. Triggers are really important to understand because they override our best intentions and self control. When we trigger, we will overreact. We looked at self awareness strategies that help us head triggers off at the pass. Then we discussed deeper healing so we are not constantly expending energy trying to catch ourselves.

As we think about patience and our personalities, we need to recognize that some personality types will naturally exhibit more patience than others. If you’re like me and find yourself on the other side of the equation, that’s ok. We’re going to explore why and what we can do to alter the focus and priorities to help us understand and become more patient moms and dads.

I throw myself into this for a reason.  Patience was difficult for me given my natural personality.  It took a concerted effort to become a more patient, compassionate person.  As a result, I now see patience and compassion being tied together.  When we have little compassion for others feelings, we tend to have less patience with them.   Read More →

Patience & Emotional Triggers

I’m glad to be back with you this week as we continue in the series Discovering our Patience. When we began the series last week, we talked about a number of challenging things.

  1. The root of impatience is selfishness.
  2. 10 Tips to Help You Become a More Patient Parent. The article’s first point was: “Know that it’s not your child, it’s you.” That is not a fun or popular realization to come to as a parent but essential to the relationship with our kids.
  3. Seek to understand and see things through your child’s perspective.

These are vital if we’re going to become patient parents. In fact, most kids I coach have a number of things bottled up within that they don’t feel they’ll be able to resolve with their parents. When I help kids identify these things with their parents, light bulbs go on and parents respond, “Wow, I didn’t realize you were feeling that way.” Working with my own kids I have found that when I take the time to really understand their perspective and see things through their eyes, it’s amazing how much I come to understand them. I have much more mercy and compassion for them and as a result I have a lot more patience as well.

If you missed last week’s blog post or podcast, I recommend you go to our blog page or podcast page and listen as it sets the stage for this week’s topic, emotional triggers. Read More →

Discovering Our Patience

Welcome back to Revive Family’s Connecting Hearts blog. I’m Jeff Schadt the founder of Revive Family. This week we are beginning a new series about patience. It is clear that we all desire to be patient parents, but that’s not easy in our fast-paced, crazy world. When we find ourselves struggling with patience, it’s easy to start feeling like a failure as a parent. In my coaching of moms I have found this sense of failure to be counter productive. We become more sensitive to the things that our spouses and our kids say to us. Our sense of failure is triggered. We become impatient and react. This can become a vicious cycle when we get down on ourselves. We put more and more pressure on ourselves which increases our stress level and negatively impacts our patience.

In this series we will re-examine patience and look for deeper answers. What causes impatience? How can we tackle it so we are not putting pressure on ourselves and trying to control our reactions? How can we actually see change from the inside out? It’s possible that even mentioning this topic cause your stress level to rise. If that’s the case and you’re struggling with patience, sit back right now. Take 10 deep breaths and let it go. Take the pressure off yourself.

Patience is Vital for Great Relationships in our Homes!

The reason I feel this series is so important is that patience enables us to have great relationships with our kids. When we find ourselves impatient with the people closest to us, we need to examine our hearts and understand ourselves. Why? Because when impatience strikes and frustration or anger results, we’re literally pushing those closest to us away. If this happens on a fairly regular basis, we damage the sense of safety that our kids and spouse have with us and they distance from us emotionally.

This blog series is also available in a Podcast.

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Faith Loss Through a Teens Eyes

Today we’re back with Amy who was with her family talking about depression last week.

Amy is a brave young woman for talking with us about many different issues. She serves as our insider speaking from a kid’s or adolescent’s perspective into so many of their issues. Amy, it’s great to have you back with us. Thank you so much. I have a question. Why are you willing to do this?

I Want to Help Others Understand and Grow

That is kind of a tough question for me. I think I’ve always been the type of person to want to help people before myself. After we did the first show, I realized that doing the show and helping other people really helped me grow and begin to overcome these things. It was really beneficial and powerful to speak openly and share with others.

Excellent. We’re hoping that this will help parents. We’re also hoping that we might have some parents who have their kids tune in with them so you could help those kids feel like they’re not alone in some of this as well. It’s great to have you.

A 14 Year Old’s Perspective on Faith Loss

Today we are talking about the loss of faith. There are different studies; some say 60%, 70%, 80% and even as high as 90% of the kids growing up in Christian homes are leaving the faith. I’ve had the privilege of working with about 3000 kids, talking about this topic with them in small groups and one on one interviews. I have a whole bunch of data in the back of my head related to that, but it’s always good to get a current 14 year old’s perspective directly as so many parents worry about this with their kids.

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Dealing with Depression as a Family

In this blog series I am interviewing a family concerning their daughter who is struggling with depression and anxiety related to all they have learned in our coaching and from Influential Parenting.

Depression is always challenging since depression is a very internal thing. It is something I struggled with for about 18 months after losing a company. When I struggled, there was a wound that people couldn’t see and couldn’t perceive. There were times I felt completely alone because no one understood what I was going through, which actually served to make my depression worse.

Amy, you’ve struggled with depression. Describe it for our readers.

Amy (age 14) Shares About Depression

It’s a lot of hopelessness, a lot of not eating and not wanting to get out of bed. It’s a lack of social interaction. Overall it is not even having the energy to do a lot of everyday things that most people are able to do.

Mom and Dad, from your perspective, when you started encountering depression what did you notice? What was different?

Jo Anne Looks Back to when it Began

Well, it started when Amy went into middle school. I think what I did as I saw some changes was listen to other parents and hit the internet. I found that middle school was supposed to be a transitional time; kids will be changing and they’ll be moody. I just said, this is it. She’s moody. She’s changing. Instead of shutting off the Internet and putting down the books and talking with my daughter and asking her questions, I made a lot of assumptions. I missed the clues about what was really happening to my dear daughter whom I loved and would do anything for. I missed her depression.

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Mama Bear: Amazing Moms/Single Moms

Welcome back to Mama Bear, Amazing Moms. In today’s blog, I want to take some time to encourage single moms as well as the dads that are no longer with them. Single moms face a unique challenge, especially if they have the kids a majority of the time. They not only face that long 98 hour work week that the study found the average mom experiences, but now they face doing that without a partner, without someone to step in when things get rocky with the kids.

Single moms often find themselves under more financial pressure. As a result they have a harder time finding breaks for themselves as well as finding time in each day to enjoy their children. Dads, this is where you can help even if you’re no longer with them. There are a number of things you can do as dads that will support your kids’ mom and thereby really give your kids the best shot at growing up in a healthy, positive, confident, successful manner.

Dads help your Ex 

As I’ve worked with families that have been through divorce, one thing that I’ve seen too often is parents not being able to let go of the past hurt, which can lead to ongoing bitterness and conflict between the parents. This doesn’t help a single mom do a great job and lead to kids growing up in a confident, healthy way. Dads, please stop and ask yourself if you’ve been providing your ex wife the support, the encouragement, and all the assistance you can provide, if not for her, for your kids. Do it for their development so that they grow up without the baggage, without the wounds that can take them down negative paths that none of us want to see our kids go down.

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